He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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