Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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