And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I color on your dick again?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
