ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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