so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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