Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
