i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize