If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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