Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
