He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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