bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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