Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
