Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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