Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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