Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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