i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ate ashes out of my bong
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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