it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
