How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
