WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
