dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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