i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
