Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
