11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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