there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
