the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
