I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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