giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
