Only a mothe r could love this liver
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
