I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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