We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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