I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize