gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
