Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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