can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
