so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
