If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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