and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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