That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
