ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
