My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
