Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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