dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
