Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
