New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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