even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
