saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
