You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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