Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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