Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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