You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
