My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
