Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
