well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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