A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
