I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
