Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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