Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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