I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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