your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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