FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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