Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
