I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
