You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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