brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
