Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
