I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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