His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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