Who wears a wallet chain?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
