You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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