i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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