drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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