Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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