He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize