i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My pussy is not your playground.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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