Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
