I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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