you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
