i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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