Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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