Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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