woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize