Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
