She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
