4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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