It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
