It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
