allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize