considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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