New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
