Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
