you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
