Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
