Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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