Your tits are I can't wait for
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
