I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
