i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
