I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
