How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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