i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
