he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
