i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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