We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize